The first, foremost, and original plant care advice blog post ever.

Well, well, well. You came crawling back... I'm so glad.

I haven't posted in awhile because Gobi's been hogging my chair.

So, what's new with us?

Oh, just planting lots and lots and lots of one of the greenhouse's signature crops: BOUGAINVILLEAS. Bougainvilleas are beautiful, tropical plants that get to be big and bushy and amazing. Here's how they look when we get them.

And we plant them into these pots. Someday they'll grow up and be as big as this trellis. But right now they're still shitty.

Joel and Landon (our newest greenhouse elf) "truly" look like they've been having lots of "fun" adding the plant food to the soil before sticking these thousands of little ladies into their new homes.

Well done, good sirs. Well done.

LET'S GET REAL.

I just had a couple big, important business meetings the other day. I'm now officially big and important. Anyway, they really got me thinking. I should probably be using this blog for something kind of useful and plant related. I should spread my seed...

- Insert loud record scratching noise here -

Eh hem. Excuse me.

...knowledge all over you pretty people's faces. So here it is! This post begins the beginning of the first, inaugural, and opening of the initial inception of my new and number one, lead-off plant advice and care bloggings! You fine and fertile (God willing) dames and dukes will witness my FIRST, surely earth-shaking and soon-to-be internationally known, blog entry covering plant care and other flora-related fun. Like how to plant them all nice. And stuff.

For this first and beginning and key, premier, introductory (and momentous) occasion, I have chosen the following topic:

WINTER PLANT CARE

And now, to the advice -

Hey ya'll.

Winter is here. I mean, not officially, but it sure does feel like it (cue recording of audience laughter from those prime-time 90's comedy shows on NBC). To prepare all ya'll lovely folks for the season, I decided I should share a bit of winter plant care knowledge. Hopefully, we can keep your indoor foliage from turning into indoor flabbiage. HA!

Enough.

I will continue with the plant advice, but NOT with the appropriateness. It was gross.

If you're anything like me, you find it hard to grow plants indoors. That's because it's hard. Plants grew up in the out of doors, so it's easier to keep them alive out there. However, if you follow MY advice (no one else's) then you might be able to keep your plants alive.

First, a science lesson: Believe it or not, a living plant is a living thing.

What the WHAT!?!?

And living things need water, food, and if it's a plant, light, to live. So first things first, make sure you give the plant all of those things. Hit it!

WATERING: Plants, unfortunately, will not scratch at their water bowl when it's empty (Gobi does, and it's the only reason he's still alive). Plants are more like cats, you see. You have to work for their love. Try to keep your plants watered on a regular basis. Most house plants don't like drowning one day and then not being watered for 3 weeks. Of course, how often you water depends on the plant, and how much sun the plant gets, and the humidity in Boca Raton (if you live in Boca Raton). Do remember, winter means heating. Heating means dry air. Dry air means water your plant more so it won't die. Doofus.

FEEDING: Despite not having jaws, teeth or furry paws laced with deadly claws, plants still eat. They just have microscopic jaws, teeth and claws on their roots that look exactly like a puppy's. That's science. Look it up. (That's not science). Get some plant food and feed your plant if you, "totally haven't in like a whole year."

LIGHT: Gobi and Mardigan are really good at finding the spot on the carpet where the sun is blasting in and laying there to get all warmed up like fuzzy lizards. It's cute. Plants are less good at play-acting like fuzzy lizards. Though, another interesting science lesson, plants did evolve lungs and legs just like reptiles. They're right next to the plant's jaws and claws. Anyway, put your plant near some light, dweebs. South facing windows are going to be best, because they get the most winter sun. Windows facing other directions will work, just make sure you put things like ferns (that don't like as much sun) there and not succulents, or some such nonsense.

OKAY!

That's it for my first installment of planty-talk. I'm glad you enjoyed it and, yes, you may come back for seconds.

Tune in next week (or whenever my next post is) to see what happens to these unassuming objects!

With love...

I'm Kiley